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Yankees create illusion of winning team, hire three Hall of Famers
NYYankeesGM writes " The New York Yankees today have announced the hiring of three HFTC legends to coach the team for the 2026 seasons. Former Cub and Tiger legend Mark Prior has been hired to manage the team, and sources tell us he immediately hired former Yankee and Padres legend Antonio Jiminez to be hitting coach and the "NL Prior", David Jenkins, to run the young, talented pitching staff in New York.
The three Hall of Famers have twelve World Series titles between them, which the Yankees owner and GM has explained to be "pretty radical. We want to pass ourselves off as a winning team after Boston won the World Series, and what better way to do that than hire a bunch of forty year olds with no prior coaching experience to lead them?"
The general managers of San Diego and Chicago could not be reached for comment, because, well, no one really cares.
fins4ever88 writes " AP September 1, 2025 --- After 29 seasons with the St. Louis Cardinals organization, Manager Tony La Russa has announced that he will step down from his position and retire from the game at the ripe age of 81.
La Russa had been the manager of the Cardinals for 29 years, earning National League Coach of the Year honors in 2002 and leading the team to a World Series victory in 2003.
When asked how he believes his legacy will be remembered, La Russa replied "Legacy? I'm just glad I didn't get fired! I'm old, but mentally I'm older than 81. It's hard to maintain your sanity when you coach a club that had 4 57-win seasons in a span of 6 years with a 41-win and a 51-win season thrown in between. I like to call that period 'The Lost Years'. As Rick James once said, 'Cocaine is a hell of a drug.'"
Since retiring from his playing days, Brandon Phillips has been La Russa's right hand-man, and will be La Russa's successor at the end of the season. When asked how he felt about La Russa's retirement, Phillips responded, "It's about time that old cracker retired! I've been here for 5 years, changing his depends, cutting up his food into small pieces. I swear, if I had to wipe the drool from his lips while giving a live press conference again, I was going to----"
Currently the Cardinals are sitting in 3rd place in the incredibly tight NL Central division, 3 games back from division leader Cincinnati and 2.5 games back from the Wildcard leader Houston Astros."
oregon writes " Mid June is here which in HFTC means that the normal divisional winners have pretty much locked it up and the wildcard is turning into a two team heat. Same old same o..... oh wait. Hold on a minute. What the hell? The Reds are where? The Twins are how many back? The White Sox are 20-5 in the past two sims? Clearly, this needs some investigating."
jboulineau writes " Cincinnati (OH) - Billy Ray Whitehurst, Staff Reporter
In a stunning move today, the Cincinnati Reds fired long-time manager and local legend Barry Larkin in the midst of the penant chase, sending the city into a fit of violence. Even though the worst of the riots are over, mobs of doughy Reds fans wearing team colors march the street at this hour, flames lighting the nights ky from figures of Bernie Brewer burnt in effigy. The Motel 6 housing GM Jon Boulineau is a smouldering pile of ash. This reporter, stationed at the establishment in the interest of covering the developing story in Cincy, barely escaped shortly before the mob set the building ablaze. Boulineau was seen fleeing the area dressed in drag and surrounded by a contingent of spear-weilding Asian steppe-people who have been his only companions in recent months.
Top league GMs suspended due to baby eating scandal
NYYankeesGM writes " AP, New York - The HFTC world was rocked this week with the news of a scandal that apparently has been brewing for over the past decade; the admittance of three top league owners that they divulge in the practice of baby-eating.
Untitled DocumentRecent HFTC NewsSunday 10/30/2027: San Diego's Toshimichi named Cy Young Award The 2027 American League Cy Young Award winner is from Toronto this year. Sal Ortiz put together impressive numbers on the mound this season. His ERA of 2.91 helped him to a 21-4 record this year. He struck out 138 and walked 30 in 226 innings. Sal has pitched one shutout and 3 complete games. He's 2nd in the American League in ERA and 1st in wins! Awards may not be the most important thing for Nobuki Toshimichi, but San Diego's right-hander smiled as he was named the National League Cy Young Award winner. This season Toshimichi compiled an ERA of 2.75, going 21-4 in 36 starts. He fanned 204 while giving up 229 hits in 242.1 innings. He has 2 complete games and 2 shutouts. He's 3rd in the National League in ERA and 2nd in wins! Toshimichi wins the award for the 3rd time in his 7-year career. Sunday 10/30/2027: Cherry and Delvalle win Most Valuable Player Award It was a day to remember for Oakland's William Cherry, who won the American League Most Valuable Player Award today. It put the finishing touches on what has been a tremendous season for the slugger. His season features a batting average of .351 (196 hits in 558 AB), 51 doubles, 2 triples and 44 homeruns. Cherry collected 153 RBI and 139 runs as well. He's 6th in the American League in batting, 9th in homeruns and 2nd in RBI! Cherry wins the award for the 2nd time in his 11-year career. San Diego's rightfielder Pedro Delvalle had a fabulous season as well, no doubt about it. The National League shared this opinion and names the 28 year old the Most Valuable Player Award winner! Delvalle has walked 111 times this year and posts a .440 OBP. While batting .336, 197 for 586, he has driven in 138 runs. He's 7th in the National League in batting, 2nd in homeruns and 5th in RBI! Delvalle wins the award for the 2nd time in his 6-year career. Sunday 10/30/2027: San Francisco's Winnie named Rookie of the Year Award Benjamin Castillo was named the American League Rookie of the Year Award winner today. Baltimore's third baseman put up pretty good numbers for a rookie this year. This 25 year old kid will probably have a long and successful career! While compiling an on base percentage of .321, Benjamin hit .296 and slugged .553. He has collected 142 runs batted in this year. Edward Winnie will never forget his first full season. The National League was convinced that San Francisco's centerfielder, 21 years old, should be the Rookie of the Year Award winner of 2027. Edward has gone 121 for 516 (.234) this season, hitting 29 bombs and driving in 93 runs. He has scored 87 runs on his own. Monday 10/3/2027: Shun'en and Ratcliffe win Player of the Week award William Shun'en wins his 1st Player of the Week award. American League pitchers couldn't figure out how to retire this guy all week long. Shun'en helped his team with an average of .478 and 14 RBI in 23 at bats. He hit in every game this week and extended his hitting streak to 9 games. The Player of the Week award in the National League goes to Cincinnati's Luigi Ratcliffe this time, as the third baseman displayed the best offensive perfomance in his league. Luigi went 18 for 31 (.581), while hitting 1 HR and collecting 11 RBI. He got at least one hit each game this week and is on a 10 game hitting streak right now. Sunday 10/2/2027: Toronto's Dacus out for 8-9 weeks TORONTO - Toronto's players were scared when they had to watch Cody Dacus suffer a serious injury when he dove for a ball in the game against New York (A). He collapsed in pain and was helped off the field. Dacus will probaby miss 8-9 weeks. Dacus was rushed to an hospital near the ballpark, where doctors took x-rays. Those revealed the serious injury, Broken Hand. This year Dacus drove in 118 and scored 99 runs while batting .291 with 35 taters. Saturday 10/1/2027: Steven Rothman shuts out Kansas City on 2 hits DETROIT - Kansas City's bats were sleeping, and Detroit's Steven Rothman gave them no chance to wake up. He gave up just 2 hits in recording his 2nd shutout of the season. 'Giving my team a chance to win is the most important thing for me. I was able to do it today.' Rothman (12-4) struck out 7 and walked 1, throwing 66 of 104 pitches for strikes. The hitting star for Detroit was second baseman Raymond Borba, he collected 2 hits in 3 trips to the plate, doubling once. Detroit improved its record to 97-64, scoring 2 runs on 9 hits. Saturday 10/1/2027: Smith and Galindo receive Pitcher of the Month award Boston's pitcher Leland Smith is the American League winner of the Pitcher of the Month award in September. His ERA of just 1.33 helped him to a 5-1 record in September. He worked 47.1 innings, striking out 18 hitters while walking 6. Leland also fired a shutout. This season Smith compiled an ERA of 4.15, going 10-6 in 12 starts. He fanned 75 while giving up 175 hits in 165 innings. Leland has pitched one shutout and one complete game. Carlo Galindo couldn't have pitched much better than he did in September, and the National League thought so as well, naming the right-hander Pitcher of the Month. He started 7 games in September, going 5-0 and compiling an ERA of 3.32 in 38 innings. Carlo fanned 28 hitters. This season Galindo compiled an ERA of 3.84, going 23-7 in 40 starts. He fanned 157 while giving up 227 hits in 225 innings. He has one complete game and one shutout. He's 1st in the National League in wins! Saturday 10/1/2027: Dejohn (Sea) and Ratcliffe (Cin) win monthly award It's the 1st time that the American League Batter of the Month award goes to Seattle's leftfielder Charles Dejohn. He hit .407 with 35 RBI and slugged .685 in 108 at bats. While compiling an on base percentage of .418, Charles hit .353 and slugged .566. He has collected 141 runs batted in this year. He's 7th in the American League in batting and 6th in RBI! The National League's best player of the month was Cincinnati's Luigi Ratcliffe, who wins the award for the 1st time in his career. In 100 at bats he hit .440 with 5 HR and 22 RBI. His season features a batting average of .347 (201 hits in 580 AB), 26 doubles, one triple and 22 longballs. Ratcliffe collected 100 RBI and 122 runs as well. He's 5th in the National League in batting! Friday 9/30/2027: Los Angeles' Higuera severely injured LOS ANGELES - When it rains, it pours. Los Angeles' ace Jeffery Higuera will not pitch for at least 6-7 weeks, handing the team a huge setback. He suffered a serious injury in a game against San Diego where he left the field in the 4th inning. After x-rays were taken the diagnosis did not surprise many: Pulled Rotator Cuff Muscle. Surgery will be performed next week. His ERA of 3.89 helped him to a 11-17 record this year. He struck out 203 and walked 30 in 250 innings. Tuesday 9/27/2027: Gary Wolfe shuts out Pittsburgh on 2 hits CINCINNATI - Pittsburgh's bats were sleeping, and Cincinnati's Gary Wolfe gave them no chance to wake up. He gave up just 2 hits in recording his 1st shutout of the season. 'I really like to play baseball, and I love the way I was able to play it today.' Wolfe (11-6) struck out 4 and walked none, throwing 61 of 88 pitches for strikes. Luigi Ratcliffe provided Cincinnati with the offense Wolfe needed as he got 3 hits in 4 AB, hitting a homerun, scoring two runs and driving in 2 runs. Cincinnati improved its record to 95-62, scoring 7 runs on 9 hits.